Big bois

Last updated: Oct 26, 2026 2:40 PM

Net Ripper
Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) · MIA
25 goals · 24 non-PK · 0.94 G/90
Assist king
Onion Baggers (Jon) · CIN
15 assists · 14 goals · 2254 mins

Net Rippers

Top 10 by total goals.

PlayerTeamClubGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA25241519.1723940.94
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL2217518.2320100.99
Milan Iloski Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) PHI1914719.5225430.67
Denis Bouanga Hany Given Sunday (Pete) LAFC1817915.3725600.63
Rafael Navarro Damn Son (Will) STL1814817.6626730.61
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH1815216.7519810.82
Brian White Take It to the Klauss (Claire) VAN1716218.2624270.63
Hany Mukhtar Hany Given Sunday (Pete) NSH1717812.3125880.59
Kelvin Yeboah Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIN1714416.0922850.67
Kevin Denkey Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CIN1714519.7223650.65

Assist leaders

Top 10 by assists.

PlayerTeamClubAssistsGoalsNon-PKxGMinsG/90
Evander Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN15141110.5922540.56
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA15252419.1723940.94
Son Heung Min Damn Son (Will) LAFC157710.6723700.27
Albert Rusnak Onion Baggers (Jon) SEA14426.2323440.15
Anders Dreyer Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) SD1314814.9226330.48
Pep Biel Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CLT1313117.5527240.43
Carles Gil Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) NE1213611.0227690.42
Luis Suarez Take It to the Klauss (Claire) MIA12151312.1320030.67
Daniel Salloi Damn Son (Will) TOR10996.8624820.33
German Berterame Onion Baggers (Jon) MIA109912.3121600.38

Penalty kings

Most penalty goals.

PlayerTeamClubPK goalsGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Carles Gil Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) NE71361211.0227690.42
Anders Dreyer Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) SD61481314.9226330.48
Prince Osei Owusu Onion Baggers (Jon) MTL6159513.2121260.63
Martin Ojeda Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) ORL51611511.0820310.71
Milan Iloski Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) PHI51914719.5225430.67
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL52217518.2320100.99
Tai Baribo Take It to the Klauss (Claire) DC51611114.8020810.69
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC4151199.6626740.50
Rafael Navarro Damn Son (Will) STL41814817.6626730.61
Thomas Muller Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) VAN49586.7016790.48

Joga Bonita

Top 10 open-play goals (no PKs).

PlayerTeamClubNon-PKGoalsAssistsxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA24251519.1723940.94
Denis Bouanga Hany Given Sunday (Pete) LAFC1718915.3725600.63
Hany Mukhtar Hany Given Sunday (Pete) NSH1717812.3125880.59
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL1722518.2320100.99
Brian White Take It to the Klauss (Claire) VAN1617218.2624270.63
Preston Judd Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) SJ1616314.0320240.71
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU1516106.8025590.56
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH1518216.7519810.82
Idan Toklomati Take It to the Klauss (Claire) CLT1414513.4622990.55
Kelvin Yeboah Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIN1417416.0922850.67

Clinical (goals > xG)

Finishing above xG (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubDiffGoalsxGNon-PKAssistsMinsG/90
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU +9.20 166.80151025590.56
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA +5.83 2519.17241523940.94
Pep Biel Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CLT +5.45 137.55111327240.43
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC +5.34 159.6611926740.50
Antoine Griezmann Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) ORL +5.19 137.8113713300.88
Martin Ojeda Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) ORL +4.92 1611.0811520310.71
Hany Mukhtar Hany Given Sunday (Pete) NSH +4.69 1712.3117825880.59
Dejan Joveljic Damn Son (Will) SEA +4.12 138.8813324460.48
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL +3.77 2218.2317520100.99
Evander Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN +3.41 1410.59111522540.56

Underperformers (xG > goals)

xG ahead of actual goals (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubDiffGoalsxGNon-PKAssistsMinsG/90
Julian Hall Hany Given Sunday (Pete) RBNY +5.44 1116.4411525530.39
Ezequiel Ponce Damn Son (Will) HOU +3.69 03.690211160.00
Son Heung Min Damn Son (Will) LAFC +3.67 710.6771523700.27
Philip Zinckernagel Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CHI +3.42 710.4261023750.27
German Berterame Onion Baggers (Jon) MIA +3.31 912.3191021600.38
Emil Forsberg Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) RBNY +2.97 46.974818720.19
Danny Musovski Take It to the Klauss (Claire) SEA +2.88 24.882110490.17
Kevin Denkey Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CIN +2.72 1719.7214523650.65
Jordan Morris Damn Son (Will) SEA +2.43 24.432412880.14
Victor Olatunji Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) RSL +2.27 13.27103880.23

Goals per 90

Best scoring rate (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubG/90GoalsMinsNon-PKAssistsxG
Hugo Cuypers Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CHI1.181398911211.35
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL0.9922201017518.23
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA0.94252394241519.17
Antoine Griezmann Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) ORL0.881313301377.81
Leonardo Campana Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NE0.821110100.33
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH0.8218198115216.75
Eric Maxim Choupo Moting Onion Baggers (Jon) RBNY0.825552414.15
Wessam Abou Ali Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CLB0.795567514.40
Joao Klauss Take It to the Klauss (Claire) LA0.7891037907.05
Preston Judd Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) SJ0.7116202416314.03

I'm Just Happy To Be Here.

Each team’s lowest producer.

PlayerTeamClubGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Anderson Julio Take It to the Klauss (Claire) DAL0000.07800.00
Kyogo Furuhashi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) LA0001.536280.00
Luka Jovanovic Hany Given Sunday (Pete) SJ0010.311800.00
Tadeo Allende Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIA0011.124320.00
Ezequiel Ponce Damn Son (Will) HOU0023.6911160.00
Breel Embolo Onion Baggers (Jon) ATL3214.727820.35
Net Ripper
Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) · MIA
25 goals · 24 non-PK · 0.94 G/90
Assist king
Onion Baggers (Jon) · CIN
15 assists · 14 goals · 2254 mins

Net Rippers

Top 10 by total goals.

PlayerTeamClubGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA25241519.1723940.94
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL2217518.2320100.99
Milan Iloski Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) PHI1914719.5225430.67
Denis Bouanga Hany Given Sunday (Pete) LAFC1817915.3725600.63
Rafael Navarro Damn Son (Will) STL1814817.6626730.61
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH1815216.7519810.82
Brian White Take It to the Klauss (Claire) VAN1716218.2624270.63
Hany Mukhtar Hany Given Sunday (Pete) NSH1717812.3125880.59
Kelvin Yeboah Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIN1714416.0922850.67
Kevin Denkey Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CIN1714519.7223650.65

Assist leaders

Top 10 by assists.

PlayerTeamClubAssistsGoalsNon-PKxGMinsG/90
Evander Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN15141110.5922540.56
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA15252419.1723940.94
Son Heung Min Damn Son (Will) LAFC157710.6723700.27
Albert Rusnak Onion Baggers (Jon) SEA14426.2323440.15
Cavan Sullivan Free agent PHI14777.0117090.37
Cristian Espinoza Free agent NSH14443.3619990.18
Rodrigo De Paul Free agent MIA14552.9023280.19
Anders Dreyer Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) SD1314814.9226330.48
Ivan Angulo Free agent ORL13665.8227180.20
Joaquin Pereyra Free agent MIN13332.9623030.12

Penalty kings

Most penalty goals.

PlayerTeamClubPK goalsGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Carles Gil Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) NE71361211.0227690.42
Anders Dreyer Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) SD61481314.9226330.48
Prince Osei Owusu Onion Baggers (Jon) MTL6159513.2121260.63
Martin Ojeda Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) ORL51611511.0820310.71
Milan Iloski Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) PHI51914719.5225430.67
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL52217518.2320100.99
Tai Baribo Take It to the Klauss (Claire) DC51611114.8020810.69
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC4151199.6626740.50
Rafael Navarro Damn Son (Will) STL41814817.6626730.61
Thomas Muller Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) VAN49586.7016790.48

Joga Bonita

Top 10 open-play goals (no PKs).

PlayerTeamClubNon-PKGoalsAssistsxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA24251519.1723940.94
Denis Bouanga Hany Given Sunday (Pete) LAFC1718915.3725600.63
Hany Mukhtar Hany Given Sunday (Pete) NSH1717812.3125880.59
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL1722518.2320100.99
Brian White Take It to the Klauss (Claire) VAN1617218.2624270.63
Preston Judd Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) SJ1616314.0320240.71
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU1516106.8025590.56
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH1518216.7519810.82
Idan Toklomati Take It to the Klauss (Claire) CLT1414513.4622990.55
Kelvin Yeboah Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIN1417416.0922850.67

Clinical (goals > xG)

Finishing above xG (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubDiffGoalsxGNon-PKAssistsMinsG/90
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU +9.20 166.80151025590.56
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA +5.83 2519.17241523940.94
Pep Biel Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CLT +5.45 137.55111327240.43
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC +5.34 159.6611926740.50
Antoine Griezmann Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) ORL +5.19 137.8113713300.88
Martin Ojeda Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) ORL +4.92 1611.0811520310.71
Hany Mukhtar Hany Given Sunday (Pete) NSH +4.69 1712.3117825880.59
Christian Ramirez Free agent ATX +4.20 94.809213250.61
Dejan Joveljic Damn Son (Will) SEA +4.12 138.8813324460.48
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL +3.77 2218.2317520100.99

Underperformers (xG > goals)

xG ahead of actual goals (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubDiffGoalsxGNon-PKAssistsMinsG/90
Julian Hall Hany Given Sunday (Pete) RBNY +5.44 1116.4411525530.39
Ezequiel Ponce Damn Son (Will) HOU +3.69 03.690211160.00
Son Heung Min Damn Son (Will) LAFC +3.67 710.6771523700.27
Hennadii Synchuk Free agent MTL +3.48 25.482112810.14
Philip Zinckernagel Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CHI +3.42 710.4261023750.27
German Berterame Onion Baggers (Jon) MIA +3.31 912.3191021600.38
Talles Magno Bacelar Martins Free agent NYC +3.27 25.27234740.38
Cade Cowell Free agent RBNY +3.08 25.082819250.09
Mamadou Dieng Free agent MIN +3.02 03.02004960.00
Dante Sealy Free agent MTL +3.00 03.000513690.00

Goals per 90

Best scoring rate (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubG/90GoalsMinsNon-PKAssistsxG
Tomas Ostrak Free agent STL1.272142200.72
Bryan Zamble Free agent SD1.192151200.36
Hugo Cuypers Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CHI1.181398911211.35
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL0.9922201017518.23
Marcus Caldeira Free agent MIN0.957660714.76
Carlo Holse Free agent STL0.956567624.18
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA0.94252394241519.17
Cedric Bakambu Free agent SD0.944384214.00
Kwadwo Opoku Free agent MTL0.93197100.94
Malik Jakupovic Free agent PHI0.93197101.41

Worst overall

Bottom of the league, free agents included.

PlayerTeamClubGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Andrew Thomas Free agent SEA0000.0027900.00
James Pantemis Free agent POR0000.0027900.00
Kristijan Kahlina Free agent CLT0000.0027900.00
Lucas Hoyos Free agent ATL0000.0027900.00
Matt Turner Free agent NE0000.0027900.00

Rostered scorers only (match log) — top 8 by season goals, cumulative through each match day.