Big bois

Last updated: Sep 23, 2026 11:47 PM

Net Ripper
Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) · MIA
20 goals · 19 non-PK · 0.90 G/90
Assist king
Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) · MIA
13 assists · 20 goals · 2000 mins

Net Rippers

Top 10 by total goals.

PlayerTeamClubGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA20191315.9520000.90
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL1815514.7217110.95
Brian White Take It to the Klauss (Claire) VAN1615215.5119030.76
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH1613111.0315380.94
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC151178.4022240.61
Denis Bouanga Hany Given Sunday (Pete) LAFC1413811.8622000.57
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU141386.1521240.59
Kelvin Yeboah Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIN1411214.1618440.68
Kevin Denkey Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CIN1411515.2819250.65
Rafael Navarro Damn Son (Will) STL1411515.1922640.56

Assist leaders

Top 10 by assists.

PlayerTeamClubAssistsGoalsNon-PKxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA13201915.9520000.90
Son Heung Min Damn Son (Will) LAFC13668.8720220.27
Evander Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN1213109.6318730.62
Anders Dreyer Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) SD1111710.8821830.45
Albert Rusnak Onion Baggers (Jon) SEA10425.4618370.20
Pep Biel Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CLT1012107.1722810.47
Philip Zinckernagel Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CHI10548.0719570.23
Carles Gil Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) NE912610.0223290.46
Daniel Salloi Damn Son (Will) TOR9775.6021900.29
Kristoffer Velde Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) POR9884.7721250.34

Penalty kings

Most penalty goals.

PlayerTeamClubPK goalsGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Carles Gil Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) NE6126910.0223290.46
Prince Osei Owusu Onion Baggers (Jon) MTL5138511.8819490.60
Anders Dreyer Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) SD41171110.8821830.45
Martin Ojeda Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) ORL412829.1015920.68
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC4151178.4022240.61
Thomas Muller Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) VAN48476.2015440.47
Evander Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN31310129.6318730.62
Kelvin Yeboah Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIN31411214.1618440.68
Kevin Denkey Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CIN31411515.2819250.65
Milan Iloski Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) PHI31310614.1221060.56

Joga Bonita

Top 10 open-play goals (no PKs).

PlayerTeamClubNon-PKGoalsAssistsxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA19201315.9520000.90
Brian White Take It to the Klauss (Claire) VAN1516215.5119030.76
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL1518514.7217110.95
Denis Bouanga Hany Given Sunday (Pete) LAFC1314811.8622000.57
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU131486.1521240.59
Preston Judd Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) SJ1313312.7516910.69
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH1316111.0315380.94
Dejan Joveljic Damn Son (Will) SEA111136.8821060.47
Hany Mukhtar Hany Given Sunday (Pete) NSH111178.3121520.46
Hugo Cuypers Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CHI1113211.359891.18

Clinical (goals > xG)

Finishing above xG (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubDiffGoalsxGNon-PKAssistsMinsG/90
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU +7.85 146.1513821240.59
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC +6.60 158.4011722240.61
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH +4.97 1611.0313115380.94
Pep Biel Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CLT +4.83 127.17101022810.47
Dejan Joveljic Damn Son (Will) SEA +4.12 116.8811321060.47
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA +4.05 2015.95191320000.90
Evander Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN +3.37 139.63101218730.62
David Martinez Take It to the Klauss (Claire) LAFC +3.29 62.71629560.56
Pavel Bucha Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN +3.29 62.716820340.27
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL +3.28 1814.7215517110.95

Underperformers (xG > goals)

xG ahead of actual goals (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubDiffGoalsxGNon-PKAssistsMinsG/90
Ezequiel Ponce Damn Son (Will) HOU +3.69 03.690211160.00
German Berterame Onion Baggers (Jon) MIA +3.40 710.407518410.34
Julian Hall Hany Given Sunday (Pete) RBNY +3.19 1013.1910521980.41
Philip Zinckernagel Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CHI +3.07 58.0741019570.23
Brandon Vazquez Hany Given Sunday (Pete) ATX +2.96 02.96027410.00
Son Heung Min Damn Son (Will) LAFC +2.87 68.8761320220.27
Miguel Almiron Hany Given Sunday (Pete) ATL +2.64 46.644716920.21
Danny Musovski Take It to the Klauss (Claire) SEA +2.57 24.57219450.19
Victor Olatunji Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) RSL +2.27 13.27103880.23
Kevin Kelsy Onion Baggers (Jon) POR +2.08 911.089412430.65

Goals per 90

Best scoring rate (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubG/90GoalsMinsNon-PKAssistsxG
Hugo Cuypers Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CHI1.181398911211.35
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL0.9518171115514.72
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH0.9416153813111.03
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA0.90202000191315.95
Joao Klauss Take It to the Klauss (Claire) LA0.896604604.55
Leonardo Campana Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NE0.821110100.33
Antoine Griezmann Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) ORL0.828880836.18
Wessam Abou Ali Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CLB0.795567514.40
Tai Baribo Take It to the Klauss (Claire) DC0.7714163111011.53
Eric Maxim Choupo Moting Onion Baggers (Jon) RBNY0.773351212.28

I'm Just Happy To Be Here.

Each team’s lowest producer.

PlayerTeamClubGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Anderson Julio Take It to the Klauss (Claire) DAL0000.07800.00
Kyogo Furuhashi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) LA0001.486110.00
Luka Jovanovic Hany Given Sunday (Pete) SJ0010.311590.00
Tadeo Allende Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIA0011.124320.00
Ezequiel Ponce Damn Son (Will) HOU0023.6911160.00
Breel Embolo Onion Baggers (Jon) ATL1002.653480.26
Net Ripper
Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) · MIA
20 goals · 19 non-PK · 0.90 G/90
Assist king
Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) · MIA
13 assists · 20 goals · 2000 mins

Net Rippers

Top 10 by total goals.

PlayerTeamClubGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA20191315.9520000.90
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL1815514.7217110.95
Brian White Take It to the Klauss (Claire) VAN1615215.5119030.76
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH1613111.0315380.94
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC151178.4022240.61
Denis Bouanga Hany Given Sunday (Pete) LAFC1413811.8622000.57
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU141386.1521240.59
Kelvin Yeboah Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIN1411214.1618440.68
Kevin Denkey Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CIN1411515.2819250.65
Rafael Navarro Damn Son (Will) STL1411515.1922640.56

Assist leaders

Top 10 by assists.

PlayerTeamClubAssistsGoalsNon-PKxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA13201915.9520000.90
Son Heung Min Damn Son (Will) LAFC13668.8720220.27
Cavan Sullivan Free agent PHI12776.1714500.43
Cristian Espinoza Free agent NSH12442.8616060.22
Evander Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN1213109.6318730.62
Joaquin Pereyra Free agent MIN12332.8722670.12
Joaquin Valiente Free agent DAL12221.7116360.11
Rodrigo De Paul Free agent MIA12442.7218900.19
Anders Dreyer Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) SD1111710.8821830.45
Niko Tsakiris Free agent SJ11325.2814830.18

Penalty kings

Most penalty goals.

PlayerTeamClubPK goalsGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Carles Gil Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) NE6126910.0223290.46
Prince Osei Owusu Onion Baggers (Jon) MTL5138511.8819490.60
Anders Dreyer Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) SD41171110.8821830.45
Martin Ojeda Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) ORL412829.1015920.68
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC4151178.4022240.61
Thomas Muller Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) VAN48476.2015440.47
Evander Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN31310129.6318730.62
Kelvin Yeboah Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) MIN31411214.1618440.68
Kevin Denkey Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CIN31411515.2819250.65
Marco Reus Free agent LA37498.0017640.36

Joga Bonita

Top 10 open-play goals (no PKs).

PlayerTeamClubNon-PKGoalsAssistsxGMinsG/90
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA19201315.9520000.90
Brian White Take It to the Klauss (Claire) VAN1516215.5119030.76
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL1518514.7217110.95
Denis Bouanga Hany Given Sunday (Pete) LAFC1314811.8622000.57
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU131486.1521240.59
Preston Judd Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) SJ1313312.7516910.69
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH1316111.0315380.94
Dejan Joveljic Damn Son (Will) SEA111136.8821060.47
Hany Mukhtar Hany Given Sunday (Pete) NSH111178.3121520.46
Hugo Cuypers Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CHI1113211.359891.18

Clinical (goals > xG)

Finishing above xG (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubDiffGoalsxGNon-PKAssistsMinsG/90
Guilherme Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) HOU +7.85 146.1513821240.59
Nicolas Fernandez Mercau Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NYC +6.60 158.4011722240.61
Sam Surridge Take It to the Klauss (Claire) NSH +4.97 1611.0313115380.94
Pep Biel Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CLT +4.83 127.17101022810.47
Dejan Joveljic Damn Son (Will) SEA +4.12 116.8811321060.47
Lionel Messi Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) MIA +4.05 2015.95191320000.90
Evander Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN +3.37 139.63101218730.62
David Martinez Take It to the Klauss (Claire) LAFC +3.29 62.71629560.56
Pavel Bucha Onion Baggers (Jon) CIN +3.29 62.716820340.27
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL +3.28 1814.7215517110.95

Underperformers (xG > goals)

xG ahead of actual goals (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubDiffGoalsxGNon-PKAssistsMinsG/90
Hennadii Synchuk Free agent MTL +4.02 15.021110780.08
Ezequiel Ponce Damn Son (Will) HOU +3.69 03.690211160.00
German Berterame Onion Baggers (Jon) MIA +3.40 710.407518410.34
Simon Becher Free agent STL +3.22 811.228519780.36
Julian Hall Hany Given Sunday (Pete) RBNY +3.19 1013.1910521980.41
Philip Zinckernagel Messi-ah Complex (Tyler) CHI +3.07 58.0741019570.23
Georgi Minoungou Free agent SEA +3.05 03.050214410.00
Mamadou Dieng Free agent MIN +3.02 03.02004960.00
Brandon Vazquez Hany Given Sunday (Pete) ATX +2.96 02.96027410.00
Son Heung Min Damn Son (Will) LAFC +2.87 68.8761320220.27

Goals per 90

Best scoring rate (90+ mins).

PlayerTeamClubG/90GoalsMinsNon-PKAssistsxG
Morgan Whittaker Free agent COL1.432126200.70
Bryan Zamble Free agent SD1.202150200.36
Hugo Cuypers Hany Given Sunday (Pete) CHI1.181398911211.35
Vincent Janssen Free agent POR1.173231201.85
Mauricio Gonzalez Free agent MIN1.142158202.19
Andre Luiz X7282 Free agent SKC1.053257300.84
Marcus Caldeira Free agent MIN1.025443513.36
Eric Izoita Free agent POR1.00190100.03
Alexander Shaw Free agent MIA0.99191100.11
Petar Musa Kelvin and Hobbes (AKA "Giving Back Allende") (James) DAL0.9518171115514.72

Worst overall

Bottom of the league, free agents included.

PlayerTeamClubGoalsNon-PKAssistsxGMinsG/90
Brian Schwake Free agent NSH0000.0023400.00
James Pantemis Free agent POR0000.0023400.00
Kristijan Kahlina Free agent CLT0000.0023400.00
Lucas Hoyos Free agent ATL0000.0023400.00
Matt Freese Free agent NYC0000.2023400.00

Rostered scorers only (match log) — top 8 by season goals, cumulative through each match day.